Sweet Surrender

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I woke up this morning with a strange urge to write. This doesn’t happen often, more frequently an idea will pop into my head on and off for a few weeks before I sit down to flesh it out. However this morning was different, the moment my eyes flickered open I reached for my laptop and powered up. I hadn’t the faintest clue what I was going to write about, but I knew the words would come. In moments like this it almost feels like there is a higher force moving through me. Giving myself over fully to the sudden urge of inspiration that spurs on my creativity. Melting even deeper into the moment, allowing the sweet bliss of surrender to engulf me.

Funnily enough I’ve never really thought of myself as a highly creative person. Reading this may come as somewhat of a shock to you given my chosen career path. I have never really strayed far from the creative industry, however there were times when I really struggled. There were countless moments where I forced myself to be creative and hit a wall, unable to think of a single creative idea to move forward with.

As a child I created so freely and uninhibited. I didn’t need to think about it, it just happened. However as I grew older I wanted to have full control over the outcome. I would sit down and force myself to make art or write poetry. The aftermath of these encounters was disheartening to say the least. Each time I felt like I was being further and further removed from the heart of my creativity.

The only area of my life that didn’t seem to be affected by this disconnect was my design work. I was still able to tap into a place free from inhibition to allow inspiration to flow through me in this area. My art and writing however suffered. A big turning point for me was my journey into personal development.

I used a diary on and off as a teenager, but it never really caught on as I moved into adulthood. There has since been several moments of intense grief (the breakdown of long term relationships and the loss of my father) when I put pen to paper again, using it as an effective emotional outlet.

When I started my work with The 90 Day Transformation Project I was effectively forced to start journalling again. I found however that with a little writing prompt from Connie, and no one to critique my work, that the words poured out freely. Every time I sat down to do this work my only intention was to release the things that had been holding me back. I surrendered completely to my writing because in that moment there was nothing else I needed to do.

When I went back over my journal exercises it became clear to me that I was still passionate about writing. I seemed to only have trouble writing when I tried to control the situation and came from a place that wasn’t truly authentic.

Since then I have only ever written with the intention to heal and release emotion. Thinking about what people will like to read and what my next word will be seems to be where the problem lies. I never force a blog post anymore as I know that what I produce is unlikely to be worthy of reading. If I feel stuck I surrender to my heart and get the hell out of my head.

I guess the point of this piece is just that. Sometimes you don’t know where you’re going or what your doing. You hit an unknown point in your life and it scares the hell out of you. You try to control it, to force an outcome because you think if you can predict it you can handle it better. However with this control comes expectations and attachment to these outcomes, and when things don’t work out as planned you feel further and further removed from the situation.

When we start surrendering to these moments we allow the natural flow of life to occur. We give permission for something to come into existence, something far greater than anything our human mind could ever possibly dream of. We take inspired action without attachment to the outcome, because we know that if it doesn't work out something far more deserving of our time is already on it's way.

Jess xx